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Group Classes Can Be The Best Ways to Become Fluid: Here's How
You may be one of millions of people around the world who is secretly gender fluid. Maybe you live with your parents, you are married and live with your wife and kids or you live alone but in an general environment which has no idea of who you truly are.
It is SO important to be safe. Risking talking to your parents or family before they (and you) are ready often leads to catastrophe for people. I want you to be as careful as you can so that you can do this is in a way that is sunny, safe, loving and supportive. I also want you to find ways to find and express you are because honestly without finding ourselves and being ourselves we can not find success and happiness at the level the universe intended for us.
There will be many posts on this topic so please do follow us on facebook, instagram, tubmlr, twitter - whatever you safely prefer to keep up with updates. We also VERY much welcome posts from those of you have other thoughts and tips, and we are always here to help with your questions. I talk about boys expressing themselves as girls because it is my experience but please know how much I adore and support girls who find the same freedom i've found by expressing themselves as boys. You can email me email@example.com or DM us on any social account.
One of the best ways to begin to express your fluidity is a sub community that you go to. Yoga, pilates, spin, pole, barre classes are really naturally wonderful and almost always empathetic environments. For myself personally, Soul Cycle was a place that I began to go to as a very square boy but over the time of so many classes together, I have found an amazingly warm community who is quick to tell me when i'm cute. That's LOVE and I can't tell you what it will do you as you walk 2 feet off the ground.
Starting as a Boy is Fine.
You don't have to enter as a girl. You can just be really silent too, if that's your type. You just find your sea legs there and really show your passion and commitment to the practice itself.
The Instructors are Key
Don't feel that you have to go to one instructor. Experiment and try several or many instructors. Find the ones who are just positive by nature, the ones who say things that resonate with you. They will feel a great connection to you if you are committed to the practice and see you improving because of them. It may take weeks or months but it shouldn't take years to have what feels like (and really is) a friendship with one, two or three instructors.
The People Who Follow Those Instructors are Key
One of the most important things to pay attention to with an instructor is the other people like you who go to their classes. Who attracts the most positive people? Who attracts people who seem particularly sweet, adorable, empathetic? You want to quietly and slowly in a very calm way build a connection with those people. A little hello is fine at the start. You might at some time say how you love when they come to class. Small gestures of sweetness like that which show your appreciation for them, how you feel their energy and how it motivates you. Don't force anything so it feels or is false, these connections will happen naturally in your mutual commitment to the practice.
Be Positive, Warm, Sunny
Don't be shy with your energy. Its ok to smile, to make eye contact during class, to enjoy things together. Everyone gets energy from others and if you have energy to give, you can. If the class is a little dancey, even better, let yourself express that in the darkness or privacy of the room others will begin to enjoy class more because you are in it.
Start With Cute Socks and Shoes
Once you are comfortable with the group, you can begin to express yourself in tiny ways. A lovely beginning that is subtle is to get some very cute, very girly socks. Polka dots are perfect, or little colored stripes. Be patient with everyone, they won't notice right away. You can try after the socks to get some Toms (very cheap shoe that is fluid) that are red or some nike's that are pink (girls size chats, you can order from Zappos, i know this can be harder). It is very likely you will get a little comment from someone who's heart is true and genuine and she will say something nice like those are cute or i like your socks. You can smile so brightly back and say they are my favorite.
Look for Cute Girls Tank Tops and Capri Pants
You don't have to show up in a sports bra and skirt to feel like a girl. Capri pants, or 3/4 pants feel SO AMAZING omg. And from H&M or others you can buy very cute little shorts (that works best if you are shaving/waxing). You can start to be smooth, sexy and in these little things that girls wear but in a way that is just cute and adorable and sunny and not scary.
Gender Orientation Isn't Sexual Orientation
So many people get confused with gender orientation and sexual orientation. We assume if you a boy wants to be girly that they are gay. It isn't true for me!! I find guys totally gross. And i'm very monogamous. I like to remind people in the communities that I am fluid in that I have kids, that I'm married. If you do like boys, if you are gay - please know I believe you should be 100% proud of this!!! You be YOU baby. But for those of us who aren't, you can name drop your wife, girlfriend etc. I also find it very helpful because I didn't want any women in these communities to think I was there to hit on them. I just wanted the connections of being cute and beautiful together in a sweaty hour of exercise.
Be Open to Talk About it If Someone Asks
For me, the girls at the front desk of Soul Cycle (who i LOVE and ADORE) started to say "omg you look so stylish" or "omg i love your sweater" and those types of things. I would always just beam with the true energy they had given me and say thank you. At one point one of them said "where are you getting these things". It was so fun to not be ashamed but be proud and say "my wife has been getting me some of these , but really, the women's section of H&M is a gold mine". They ALL every single time laughed and loved and adored - it was not a judgmental thing but a way to share more and more who I really am. Another phrase I use sometimes that is light to help people who seem to be curious and ask a little is to say "i'm bored of boy clothes lately". That seems to have a 100% hit ratio with any girl who is open, they just love that and begin to have fun thinking about what would also look cute on me and my heart just melts and I cry a little when i walk away from them because they are so adorable and were so sweet to me and the world is so beautiful.
We Can Make the World Safe for Fluidity
We are writing about things in a way that we hope can be shared with parents, sisters, cousins, spouses. If you are in a position to be able to share an article like this, please know you could help change the life of someone by making it more comfortable to talk about these issues.